Say Goodnight To 2019


I remember entering the year of 2019 on a blank space, still unsure how I will start over or when can I completely recover. At the back of my mind I know I’d be able to secure a job soon, reignite myself in helping people that is creatively and artistically, and be able to move forward. But the process of it and the word “how” seems questionable and doubtful, the “what if’s” are creeping, and the “repeating the same mistakes” thoughts are turning into nightmares.

Time may be my constant adversary ever since, but fate has become my new bff. Understanding fate on the other hand, oh well, I’m still getting there. Its like this, I’m seeing a ball coming at me, I know its gonna hit me real soon, whether I saw it still from afar or already a few steps away from me, I can guess if it will hit me hard or softly, or maybe I can dodge it, or hit it or better yet, catch it with my both hands and own it. Understanding why in the first place it is coming at me or maybe at someone else, makes it more, should I say, interesting. I’d like to keep it positive and not use the word complicated.

Still, I cannot remain stuck and bored. I know I’ll make it through, the future is both exciting and daunting. My mantra and tattoo that says “Remember Who You Are” has never been empowering, right at that very moment.

Friends, family and faith remains, which I’m always thankful for. There is still good on this world that I deserve even though I would not ask for it. In an instant the moments went back to same degree of craziness just like before, the year went on as busy as it could be, my anxiety checked and my sanity has well improved.

New work means new colleagues, new team, new business partners, new strategies. A fresh start means a whole new way of making things right, being a better version. Being with PayPal helped me embrace that it is not just Diversity and Inclusion, it is also having the sense of Belongingness — I know I’m part of it and I know I’m valued, I don’t have to question my purpose this time, which I’m very thankful. My new team is a breath of fresh air, dedicated and talented individuals who are all in for fun and relationships, so as the leadership team that I’m with which I feel blessed that we connect and work together as One Team.

Another great thing to happen was the business trip to Dublin, Ireland, it was such a wonderful act of our business partners to invest on us new leaders and establish better connections and collaborations. We’ve met with 15+ PayPal leaders from Dublin and Dundalk and they’ve provided learnings that were tremendously helpful and of course the side trips were a bonus!


Co-leading an Engagement Team, which was then called CIP MNL Fun@Work Team, and working with people while injecting fun and engagement has always been a strength and something close to my heart. It felt like more of a fun responsibility than a regular task. I also got the chance to propose and spearhead the Performing Arts Club which is called The Elites, it will highlight the employee’s talents on performing and I’m actually excited to work with a new set of passionate individuals.

Recognizing the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia(IDAHOT) last May 17 with our Ride with Pride presentation and winning the Express Yourself Catwalk was a highlight. I saw it as an opportunity to state a fact that no matter how groundbreaking it was the past two decades for the LGBTQ+ community, a lot of people still live in fear and hate and still a lot of people suffer from it.


One more thing, going back to one of my first love and that is performing through dance was such a reliever and I feel so blessed to be up on the stage once again and dance and become a different person altogether. It felt good to share the stage with other talents whom also worked hard to perform. Amazing shots by Alexander Lahorra.


Here is my 2019 – By the Numbers:

The Good

A close relative funeral sandwiched between weddings of dear friends by Q1
  • Solo trip to Baler, Aurora by February
  • Four more beach trips with friends at Liwliwa by January, Tingloy by February, La Union and Puerto Galera by June
    10+ Strategic Leadership workshops at PayPal Philippines from Site Branding, to Coaching Styles, to Project Management

    Gone thrice to Tagaytay (to relax of course) by March, September and November
  • Ten days of fashion show attendance, thanks to PMFF, PhFW and Manila Streetwear
  • Made to four Featured Stylistas list by and SceneZone
  • Four 10k runs with fitness buddy Carla Camu, thank you so much for influencing me to pursue Wellness!

    * National Geographic Run 2019 by April, Fire Run 2019 by May, Skechers Performance Run 2019 by August and Manila City Run 2019 by October

  • Three CSR and Outreach programs participated in — total of 10 volunteer hours, over a hundred individual beneficiaries and countless lives touched.

    • Meal Packing with Rise Against Hunger and ICM last April
    • Christmas Football Fun with Football For Humanity, Muntinlupa United Football Club and Project Smile this December
    • Blood Donation Campaign with Philippine Red Cross Muntinlupa – Rizal Chapter also this December
  • Ten intense Monday mornings while watching the 8th and final season episodes of Game of Thrones. Episode Three – The Great War gave me a heartache.
  • Seven days of business trip at Dublin, Ireland! That is 18,000+ miles away and 30hrs flight time from home!
  • Eight major tourist locations spotted at Dublin and Northern Ireland
    • Giant’s Causeway
    • Bushmills Inn and Distillery
    • Dunluce Castle
    • Dark Hedges
    • Ha’penny Bridge
    • The Spire
    • Temple District
    • St. Stephen’s Green Park
      Turned 34 this year BTW and at Dublin!

      Walked for Jeffrey Rogador for 2nd year in a row this time with Brgy 143 at Manila Streetwear Cycle 2 last June
  • Three major team bonding activities with Team Ruru, with a lot of eat outs in between. 

  • A first for me, to be recognized as Star Of The Night during an occasion, this time during our Holiday Party. Really, is this a consolation for not winning our dance performance? Just kidding!


The Not-So Good

  • Zero bpm, no pulse, as I examined a relative 10 minutes after collapsing secondary to a critical pre-existing condition. Cold and lifeless.
  • Two minutes of 5M intesity earthquake felt while at 17th floor
  • One particular individual that tested my yin and my yang. In a way I’m surprised that I can be good in switching to my alter-egos, theoretically of course. If they deserve shit, they will get shit.
  • A number of people that may be its time to let go. People do also change and not everyone can stay as a friend through out a lifetime. It has always been like that to be honest.

People live their life the way they want it, I live mine with a little more responsibility, to my own standards, duh. It pays to strive to do what is right, to make decisions that is humane, to live with little to no regret. To be thankful that I can experience happiness and gratitude on my own without being dependent on others can be of a big help.

Thank you so much 2019!!


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